Tips to Save Your Marriage
July 29, 2008
My husband was 25 and I was 20 years of age it’s enough to make you want to take a walk down the aisle with our baby 7 months old bumped between us. Who would have thought that we’d end up 5 kids and 18 years later still together? Alas!
Take your time to get to know the person before you marry. You need to ask yourself: “Is this the person you want to walk on the beach with when your hands are wrinkled and you walk slowly.” A young boy and girl dressed in white wedding attire strolling down the church isles to a wedding arch. People thought we were doomed. Who would imagine that we we’d end up to 5 kids and 18 years later we are still together. The path to greater wealth may start with making a commitment–of the romantic kind.
My husband and I may not have been married as long as others but, along the way, we discovered that there are some common concepts that cut across marriages we have known to be successful-think of it about 30’s,40’s or 50’s. The relationship has to be based on mutual respect, common purpose, and trust. Both parties need to identify what they want out of life and then continue that dialogue throughout their marriage. It doesn’t take that much time, but it does take focus, and patience.
A few steps on your part toward improving your marriage will work wonders towards making your marriage strong, secure and content:
Knowing yourself, is a hard to accomplish task; to look deeply in the mirror and see the person you have become through your life choices. Most of us are conscious of the physical aspects of a person i.e. the exterior form. Every person has a different soul and temperament. The physical aspects of people may look alike, but there are very few with whom our souls meet. Expose yourself to ideas and experiences that will help you evolve, develop your self-esteem.
Knowing yourself, is a hard to accomplish task; to look deeply in the mirror and see the person you have become through your life choices. Most of us are conscious of the physical aspects of a person i.e. the exterior form. Every person has a different soul and temperament. The physical aspects of people may look alike, but there are very few with whom our souls meet. Expose yourself to ideas and experiences that will help you evolve, develop your self-esteem.
Love as a decision. It is a statement that reminds couples to love the person, not the behavior. This situation can attract men plus women too. It means that LOVE is commitment that you made with your full, whole consciousness as a mature, self-actualized human being.
Love is a doing word. Feeling it and showing it are two different things. It requires commitment. It sometimes hurts and doesn’t feel so good. But what does the world know of the kind of love that the Bible defines anyway? It’s in the First Letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 13.
3. Communicate, communicate and communicate. Continue to communicate. People have a misconception of what communication is. They think that it’s simply talking. After a few years, it’s easy to fall into everyday routine. Staying connected takes effort from both sides. That is the first you need to do.
3. Communication. Of course, that is the first thing to do. Both can attract men and women. The first important thing to remember about communication in marriage is to consistently use “I” statements as opposed to starting out a sentence with the word “You.” While this may sounds like a simple change to make that might not make a whole lot of difference, as any therapist knows, “You” statements tend to sounds accusatory, causing the other spouse to feel defensive.
The second part of the communication cycle is listening. It is more important than the first. When you truly listen, you hear both what is being said. You learn to pick up cues verbal and non-verbal communication. From this you may hear the inner sense and begin to use comprehension and understanding.
Listening. Being able to listen to your mate when they require it encourages them to talk when they need to. Do not interrupt them. Let them reveal what they need to and then take your turn. When a partner feels that the other person is not attentive, their lines of communicating shut down. Support is required in order to keep sharing what’s going on with each other. When that support is broken, the lines of communicating will close down immediately.
4. It’s not Me, it’s WE. Many couples fail to realize that once they enter a relationship, they are no longer just two individuals. Take matters seriously. If your partner brings up a concern he or she has, take it seriously. Do not brush it off as meaningless. If it is a concern for them, it needs to be worked out, so help support them in that matter. If you do not take it in earnest, they will not take you seriously and communicating will cease to exist.
Sustaining these key points in your relationship can guarantee that the lines of communicating will remain open. You will be able to develop a healthy relationship that will last a lifetime. Building a strong relationship is never entirely easy, but the rewards will keep on coming if you just hang in there. Numerous other tips and guidelines couples can learn from to improve their marriages but I find these 4 will serve them through the years.
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